It was a 3:30am start like every other - cold, dark and yawny. No snoozes, no five more minutes. We fell out of bed with a unique blend of excitement and somniference. Matt's sister Elizabeth had kindly offered to courier us to the airport in exchange for a four week stay at our beachside mansion. She was already awake and yoga posing in the general direction of the sun which wouldn't appear for another 3 hours.
We carted our suitcases down via the elevator of eternity, and loaded up the mighty Mitsy. She groaned and creaked at the rude awakening as we set off for Tullamarine. After an uneventful journey of missed turnoffs and low-fuel indicators, we pulled up at the departures terminal with 2 hours til take-off. With some excited and not too tearful hugs and well-wishes, we thanked Elizabeth - "No parties, and don't forget to feed the cactus" - our hard and fast rule for guests ringing in her ears.
We breezed through the International line at the Virgin Australia desk, only to be told that Matt didn't have his ESTA visa for the USA. No panic, we have plenty of time - and these fiddly forms are really easy to fill out on a tiny phone screen with a dinky keypad. Matt flounders through the ESTA application, while Audrey keeps the Virgin attendant entertained, even managing to charm our way into some bulkhead seats for the long-haul from Brisbane to LA. ESTA finally submitted and approved, the boarding passes printed for ALL FOUR FLIGHTS of this 31.5 hour journey.
First stop is Brisbane ('BRISbn' to the Americans ... not 'brisBANE'), and we shoot through security clearance without so much as a 'please empty your water bottle'. We head to our gate, and while away the time allocating our fellow passengers to each others 'team'. NB: The rules of this game are not particularly clear, but if you see someone in leopard print tights, with a healthy amount of buttcrack and a hairstyle not updated since the mid-70's .... you don't want them on your team (particularly if the buttcrack and the hairstyle are co-located!).
The flight was smooth and landed on-time with some assistance from generous tail-winds according to the First Officer. Sorry to fellow passengers but Matt was doing his best to help in that department too. We disembarked for our first pitstop of the trip. Hyper-hydrated Audrey had already made several, and it was time for another. With perfect timing we found the inter-terminal bus and were entertained by the driver whose parting words advised everyone to leave our purses and wallets but don't forget the children.
We skipped checkin as we already had boarding passes and our bags were checked through to LAX from Melbourne. Straight to security, not quite so simple this time; but everyone genuinely enjoying their job here. Two guys giving me chivalry tips on carrying bags and 'ladies first', and then the most animated and excited tell-you-which-security-line-to-go-through dude we have ever encountered. The laptop and our mountains of food all made it through safely, we had learned not to try sneaking dangerous quantities of hummous through in the great JetStar debacle of 2014.
We had about half an hour before boarding so we reverted to our favourite pastimes. Matt started eating, and Audrey called her mum. Only 28 hours to go now. Huge queue of people so we stayed seated in our comfy chairs until the last minute before trundling onto the plane. Woohoo - LOVE BULKHEAD SEATS! The good kind where you can stretch right out rather than having a wall in front of you.
Matt actually managed a few hours of sleep while Auds ran an 'Orange is the new Black' marathon. We both ploughed through our remaining food stocks (sandwiches, cheese and crackers, grapes, strawberries, yoghurt-covered sultanas). Thank you to Mark and Amanda for introducing us to this style of mile-haute-cuisine.
The flight went largely without incident except for when Auds somehow managed to get her headphones caught in the crotch of the guy sitting next to her (hint: it wasn't Matt). The plane was dark, and they'd both gotten up for water and a stretch. Somehow upon his return, the shuffling of blankets and cushions and various other seating accoutrement landed them right in his no-fly-zone. When Auds returned and was settling back in, it took a couple of exploratorial tugs on the cord before they both realised what was happening, blushed and ran to opposite ends of the plane.
The experience after we landed was not quite so pleasurable. LAX has apparently adopted the automated passport/gate technology that seems to work so well elsewhere. However, we aren't convinced that they were making full advantage of the technology. Here's the process we followed:
- Fill out the standard 'passenger entering USA' form - name, age, occupation, are you a drug mule, etc?
- Queue up for approximately 1 lifetime.
- Get excited because we've spotted the speedy new automated machines.
- Use the speedy new automated machines. Answer all the same questions as form in step 1.
- Scan Matt's passport 7 times because it kept insisting the name was either 'Edvards' or 'Edwapds'. Quickly becoming less enthused about the speedy automated machine.
- Collect receipt from sloppy automated machine, and then get instructed by stupid automated machine we need to see Customs Officer anyway.
- Observe that EVERYONE is seeing Customs Officer anyway!
- Join a constantly evolving queue, with people cutting in and being redirected every which way.
- Eventually reach the Customs Officer, have a lovely chat and get admitted to the Grand Ole USA. Auds a little disappointed she wasn't wished with a "Welcome Home, Ma'am". Matt queries the purpose of the automated machines, Customs Officer advises that everyone needs to chat to an officer anyway.
- Wait in queue to hand in receipt from seedy automated machine. Still completely befuddled as to why that was a part of the process at all.
- Collect baggage from carousel and join a large queue for another check before finally released unto the world.
Our seven hour layover has now become a five hour layover. While in the queue (we had a little time for idle chatter) we heard that there were a couple of earlier flights to Atlanta, which might enable us to get to Tallahassee a little earlier. We decided to chance our hand, bypassing the baggage re-check and sought the Delta desk to see if we could get that flight instead.
BIG MISTAKE. We head from one service desk to the next, hunting for a smaller wait. We've settled on one and making steady progress when we hear we are in the wrong section for rebooking. Head to special services. Five attendants, 25 people .. shouldn't take too long. The attendants gradually dwindle to two. Another hour of queueing later, we find out all flights to Atlanta are oversold by 15-30 people. No chance of changing our flight, but at least we actually have a seat on our flight ... not that they're together. Somehow, the flights we booked nine months ago, on the same ticket, are not seated together. Thanks Delta. Resignedly, we dump our bags, clear security and look for food and a quiet relaxing area. We found food.
Remember the oversold flights to Atlanta? We had been wondering how Delta would resolve that situation - we soon had our answer.. A customer service came over the PA announcing that anyone who was willing to give up their flight for a later one would receive $600 in vouchers. When no-one took up the offer, they raised it to $800 and then ultimately $1000 per seat. That got some volunteers! Anyone who volunteered at $600 would have been pretty pissed.
Eventually our time came for our penultimate flight. We were both pretty zombified by this stage, lack of sleep was definitely catching up with us. Not much was going to keep us from sleeping on this leg of the journey. And that's pretty much how it went, we both got an hour or two of sleep, read a bit and bumped through some turbulence. We landed in Atlanta to a spontaneous round of applause from most of the passengers. About as unexpected as the time we went to a magic festival performance and Matt ended up stripping on stage.
Our connection in Atlanta was always going to be tight, but the flight arrived about 15 minutes late, so we were racing through the airport. We had to catch the inter-terminal shuttle, and then hustle all the way down to gate E07. The departure lounge was empty when we got there, quickly scanning our tickets as they closed the doors behind us. The hop to Tallahassee was very short, all I remember of that flight is that it actually took longer for everyone to get off the plane than it did to fly there. Seriously, the slowest deplaning EVER.
We finally get through the doors, and Auds is basically running through the terminal for the arrivals gate to meet her parents, Larry and Susan. They've been wondering if they somehow missed us because it took so long after the landing. Tearful hugs and reunions ensue, followed by excited and emotional chattering. We collect our suitcases (they all arrived!) and head for home. We got a quick tour of the upgrades Tallahassee has seen in the past couple of years, reinventing it's image.
Home for a bountiful feast of snacking and a quick recap of the days misadventures before we retreat for some much needed sleep. The guest bed looks like it's 10 metres wide, and we're both asleep before we even lie down. 36 hours from pillow to pillow.
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(Some of the) healthy plane snacks |
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5am and full of beans .. |